A couple of her insights of her world:
911 requires you to have a house number that is visible in case of emergency. I think the numbers cost about 20 cents a piece, so it would probably cost the average person less than one dollar to slap those babies on the side of their house. I've seen people WRITE the numbers on the house in CRAYON, I've seen people PAINT them on and today I saw one person nail a cardboard sign with their house number onto the telephone pole near the main highway. Where's a good rain when ya need one?
Why do replacement anchor people feel the need to tell me when the usual news anchor or weather person is on vacation or has the day off? "I'll be filling in for Dave, who has the evening off." Like I give a flying frick. Tell it like it is, baby. "I'll be filling in for Dave, who is a piss poor weatherman at best. And some day I hope to steal his freaking job, but until then I have to settle for working weekends when nobody watches the news anywho."
I paid big money to have a consultation with one of those fancy organizational experts. She took one look at my trailer and suggested I 'burn it down and start all over.'
Did you ever notice that "tae bo" rhymes with "die slow"? I don't think that's a coincidence.
My brand new made in Korea Kia has that new car smell....Elmer's glue and plastic.
Until I started watching soap operas, I never realized how easy it is to walk into a hospital and don the identity of a doctor, complete with lab coat, stethoscope, name tag and all. And it's even easier to sneak into the hospital and change paternity test results. Remember that the next time your girlfriend swears you're the father of her baby.
If there's one thing I hate--sorry, Mom--let's try that again. If there's one thing I "dislike intensely" it's those threatening religious forwards. You know the ones. "If you love Jesus, you'll forward this to 150 of your closest friends. If you don't love Jesus, you'll delete this and...." Well, I don't know what it says after that, cuz I always hit "delete" at that point.
It's not that I don't love Jesus, but quite frankly, I think the guy has more important things to worry about. I mean, really, how does annoying 150 people prove your love for the bearded One? Didn't Jesus teach kindness? Well, I'm here to tell you that nothing is kinder than leaning on the delete key and refusing to be intimidated by the wording in these idiotic forwards.
When I was little, my father would say, "Don't wear mascara, it makes you look like a whore." "Don't walk around without shoes, only whores go barefoot." And "I do not want you calling boys for dates, only whores do that." It occurs to me that Daddy knows an awful lot about whores....
You know the best part about being friends with narcissistic people? You never have to worry about them talking about you behind your back.