Due to the current slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 40 years of age or older on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTEd will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTEd twice, and SCREWed as many times as management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants of Spouce) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel with Early Severance).
Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by Management.
Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor.
They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.