The Digital Shutterbug (aryx) wrote,
The Digital Shutterbug
aryx

This journal has been placed in memorial status. New entries cannot be posted to it.

from an e-mail

Alleged actual notations on hospital charts:

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but husband states she was very hot
in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she started seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
8. The patient has no previous history of sucides.
9. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
10. The patient refused autopsy.
11. Patient's medical has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40
pound weight gain in the last three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from the toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, infrequent constant headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. Lab tests indicate normal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.
25. Skin somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was inconsultation with Dr. (blank), who felt we should sit on
the abdomen, and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

--- Working in a hospital, I can tell you that a lot of these are typos that the transcriptionists made while listening to the doctors' dictations. Others sound like the first half of one sentence was added to the second half of another. Some of them are still pretty funny.
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